hanthelion:

Everyone: I can’t imagine you with long black hair lul

  Why do I want long black hair again? Because I grew up uncomfortable with who I am. I grew up being made fun of because I never combed my hair. I didn’t look like your average girl. Everyone made fun of how I only wanted to play tag and not barbies. I would pick fight with the boys and take off my shirt and pretend I was Bruce Lee. I didn’t understand that since I was a girl, it was inappropriate to take your shirt off and ask for a fight even though the boys can. Most of my bullies were my own members. The only person who made me feel valuable was my father. He would brush my hair and put them into pigtails for me. He always made me promise him to love myself and understand that I am a beautiful woman. But guess what? I didn’t believe him growing up. I put everyone else’s opinions before my own father. I thought that my father didn’t understand and that any father would tell their daughter the same thing anyway.
  Growing up and approaching the acceptance of my sexuality, I hid that little girl deep within me. I didn’t want people to see my messy hair, my inability to be a neat and pretty girl, and the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable with my own womanhood made me want to cut my hair and stand out. I wanted to make up for all the times I felt like I didn’t fit in. I thought to myself, well if I don’t try to look like a girl, then they can’t look down on me for not being enough. I guess it worked. I was the perfect target for bicurious girls. It was amazing. All of a sudden I had friends… I stood out.
  But standing out wasn’t what I was looking for neither. That was when the identity crisis tapped me on the shoulder. I see people being themselves all the time. Coming out as their true identity. “This is who I am! Accept me!” They were all so inspiring. But something didn’t feel right for me. People weren’t seeing the me, me. They weren’t accepting my individuality. It was the opposite. I am shoving my true self away because people were putting me down for it and I created a faux representation for myself for the sake of everyone’s amusement!!! I am not who you think I am. I promise you that. The void inside me was overwhelming.
  Life continues to happen. Relationships are built and destroyed over the years. Through it all, the only person who stuck by me and supported me this whole time was my father. I went through a lot this past 19 months. I remember the first day everything change. I understand now. I don’t have to label myself as anything. I don’t have to fluff my feathers for anyone. I can just be me. I am a Vietnamese, I am biologically a girl, and I feel a strong sense of standing up for and representing my heritage, my womanhood, AND manhood. I can be all in one. I feel a burning sensation of life! I accept myself! You saying you can’t imagine me with long black hair kind of ticks me in a way where I can’t explain… I don’t need to hide myself anymore! 23 going on 24 years old and I am going to back with my long, black hair, and I am going to take my fucking shirt off and fight you if I have to.